An Ode to Jerry
When I was at University I learnt more from watching Louis Theroux documentaries than I did from my studies. I’ve seen most of the old ones at least 5 times and pounce on any new ones that come out like a tiger on tiger pussy.
Despite my sordid enthusiasm, I’ve only seen the newer docs a single time. This is partially because I haven’t got the boundless free time of a Uni student anymore but also because most of the new ones are funeral-level depressing.
There are a few, however, that are miserable in an interesting way like the one about people who are bored of their marriage and invite their friends to join in. I’m of course speaking of the polygamy episode, ‘Love Without Limits’, where the sadness is numbed by the ability to cast judgement on everyone in it.
When I sat down to watch this episode a second time, I was overcome with a feeling of utter contempt towards the cuckolded men who convinced themselves it’s okay for their wives to fuck other blokes.
I found myself screaming out at the saddest cuckold of them all, Jerry Bringman, who has a voice one decibel higher than silence and consistently repeats convoluted rhetoric his psychologist wife taught him to allow her to screw anyone she wants.
Jerry, if you’re reading this, slap yourself across the face and grow a set of bollocks, please. Polygamy isn’t a revelation in raising families where you have as many parents as possible raising kids for the benefit of everyone involved, it’s just a bunch of sad people who can’t handle making a marriage with one person work and want to cheat on their partners without the guilt.
Now, it’s hard not to feel bad for Jerry when you watch this doc but it gets to a point where you just can’t stand to hear him speak. He repeatedly contradicts himself by saying things like ‘I’m letting my wife sleep with another man because I want her to be happy’ whilst answering difficult questions about how unhappy he is with ‘It’s not her job to make me happy’.
So it’s your job to make her happy but not hers to make you happy? C’mon Jerry.
You soon realise as the doc goes on that it’s not just Jerry who thinks this, it’s an idea parroted by every polygamist Louis interviews. The rhetoric is always: ‘We shouldn’t have to rely on each other for all our happiness, it’s an impossible ideal and it’s too much pressure on the couple.’
No shit Sherlock, you don’t have to be everything to someone but why can’t your partner pick up a hobby like crochet or badminton, not fucking a garden gnome that came to life in next door’s back garden.
You see this exact dynamic in one of the other relationships in the doc between two geek guys and a geek girl. Geek guy number one was the original boyfriend and when geek girl told him that she liked someone else she asked if he’d mind letting the crush join in the relationship.
Geek guy number one agreed, primarily because geek girl had problems with depression and having a second guy around to help her deal with it would take some of the pressure off him. There’s a pattern forming here…
As you watch, it’s clear that each one of these polygamists has a severe inadequacy complex teemed with a complete lack of responsibility over their lives, their relationships and frankly their children who have to grow up in these weird free-for-all households.
Where am I going with this?
At this point you might be thinking: ‘Nick, calm down, they’re clearly happy with the way things are or they wouldn’t put up with it. To each his own’, to which I’d reply, just look at the poor guys’ faces.
There are approximately four Jerrys in this doc, and you only have to spend a single minute listening to them over-intellectualise why they let their partners fuck other people before you start to see the suffering on their pathetic mugs.
Jerry especially is the saddest man you’ve ever seen and I said to my partner more than once that the best thing for him would be to take him out back and shoot him. I don’t know what has to happen in your life for you to become the world’s muddiest doormat but I hope whatever it is stays well away from me.
Take this as a lesson kids, it might seem cool to dissolve the long-successful structure of the nuclear family and replace it with an orgy, but think of all the Jerrys you’d create by doing it. Who knows, if you’re really unlucky you might end up being a Jerry and us normals would have to round you all up, take you out back, and shoot the lot of you.
This one was for you Jerry, you useless blob of poo.
I wrote this as well